| March 2004
Natural Consequences
When children do not obey parents, the temptation
is to punish. Punishments often don't match the misbehavior. When
children are punished, they tend to be more angry than if they
are given a logical consequence. What is the difference?
If a child is one hour late coming home from
a friend's house, parents may want to lecture, ground them or
make them do something that is not related to this. Sitting in
a bedroom for the evening may be less productive than other creative
ways to teach a lesson.
For example, if the child is told that for the
past hour the parents have been very worried and looking for him
or her, they have wasted the parent's time. Therefore, it would
be appropriate to have the child give of their time to repay the
time they wasted. They could do "family service time."
One hour could be spent doing things that need doing in the yard
because the parents were busy with the hunt. Time is served for
time wasted. Going to bed one hour early does not teach restitution.
Children could also repay time wasted by coming
home earlier the following evening. "Gee, you were one hour
late last night so instead of coming home tonight at 9:00 pm,
you need to be home by 8:00 pm. You used more time than you were
given and need to pay it back."
A common irritation is leaving towels on the
bathroom floor. Instead of a lecture which is usually ineffective,
parents can re-teach the skill. Pick up the towel, fold it and
place it over the edge of the bathtub. Now, pick up the towel,
shake it out and put it back on the floor as found and have the
child pick it up and fold it. Have them do it a second time and
perhaps a third. They obviously don't know how to do this so you
are teaching them one-on-one. Assure them that if they need another
lesson in the future, you will be glad to re-teach them. The next
practice session could involve more practice time, of course.
The above scenario works well for slamming the
back door, stomping up the stairs, leaving shoes inside the back
door, putting milk away, not wiping feet on the rug, not putting
the telephone on the charger, etc. Of course, the parent would
re-teach with a smile and congratulate the child on doing a good
job. Some adults have even chosen to do this with spouses. :)
Children can see the sense in natural consequences,
although this does not necessarily mean they will like them. There
will be less anger if consequences are logical and natural. There
is also less anger if parents remain calm and matter of fact with
the consequence. You did that so we must do this. Make the punishment
fit the crime and allow the child to retain dignity.
Mrs. Pytel
K-8 Counselor
|
