| December 2006
The Only Child
The only child has to figure out how to do things alone. There is no playmate. Adults are too intrusive. So, the only must create a playmate.
Imaginary Playmates
The only child’s playmate may be entirely imaginary, or it may be a toy, pet or baby blanket. With the imaginary playmate, the only child is perfectly happy. As the child gets older, he or she is able to play alone for hours. Sending this child to his room is a reward, not a punishment. His friends are there.
The only child shares feelings, thoughts and behavior with the imaginary playmate. Whatever the only feels the playmate feels. Whatever the only thinks the playmate thinks. And, whatever the only does the playmate does. They have a symbiotic relationship.
Imaginary relationships are carried into adult life. The only is at home with familiar things that are like friends, in fact, they are friends. The only’s car cannot be traded in because it is a friend. It has a name, a personality and feelings in the mind of the only.
What About Humans?
Even human beings can be imaginary to the only. Whatever the other person feels the only feels. The only interrupts the other’s talking to share a thought rather than listen because the other is imaginary. The only already “knows” whatever the other person is saying.
Looking at another’s unacceptable behavior the only says, “I would never do that” indicating that he or she expects others to do what he or she would do. The only takes the attitude that “everyone thinks the way I do and, if they don’t, they should.”
Older Onlies
As onlies get more mature, they usually mellow out so that they listen better, recognize that others are okay even if they have different ways and do things with others. Yet, the only remains able to enjoy time being alone.
Siblings
Some onlies have siblings. The oldest child five or more years older than the second child is usually an only in birth order. A child who is fifth and youngest in the family is usually an only. Two children five years apart with no siblings are both onlies though they may be unlike each other because the younger one does not want to be like the older one.
Under special circumstances, a child in the middle of a number of siblings can be an only child.
Associating with onlies can be pleasant. Growing up alone they did not develop tendencies to fight, criticize, belittle, insult, reject or compete like persons of the other birth orders. They truly live and let live.
Cliff Isaacson
Upper Des Moines Counseling Center, Inc. 1-800-214-0795.
Counseling hours are afternoons and evenings.
For more information on Birth Order Plus, visit www.birthorderplus.com. Books available by Isaacson are available on the website.
Copyright article 2006 Cliff Isaacson. All Rights Reserved.
Mrs. Pytel
K-8 Counselor
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