Raising Confident Children

Some children are born more confident than others. Watching children struggle is difficult but muscles are built with exercise. We, as parents, want their lives to be painless and happy but this is not possible and not emotionally healthy. Little by little children can gain confidence in themselves by doing things outside their comfort zone. There is great benefit to successfully solving a problem.

1. One way to help children grow is to allow them to do things when "they" ask. Doing dishes at the age of 4 may not produce the results we hope to see. However, if the child is told no frequently, they lose the desire to do that activity. Later, when they are ready to do a good job, they don't want to do it anymore. With supervision, a small child could wash or dry the plastic dishes and even help put them away. Glass items and knives would be reserved for the adults. Be creative and let the child take little risks. This will build their confidence.

2. Children are always looking up to adults as role models. They want to be just like them. Little boys often want to dress like dad, walk like him and learn to do everything he can do. Girls practice being moms in their play. When a parent states that they are not good at something, the child assumes that they are also not good at the same thing. This is often the case with school classes or activities. If a parent states that they were not good at math, reading, or music when in school, the child often takes that as evidence that they will also not be good in those same things. Instead, encourage children to try things without comment.

3. Don't do things for children they can do themselves. If they can do homework on their own, don't sit over them. Let them come to you with a question. This builds confidence and independence. If a child can reasonably dress himself, allow him to dress himself from that point on with occasional help. Doing too much for children not only creates dependence but sends a message to the children that they are not capable. "I have to help you because you can't do this." The feeling of not being capable turns into low confidence and self-esteem spirals downward.

Children's confidence and self-esteem are home based. Friends and school can help to a degree, but the majority of a child's confidence is based on the supervised risk taking and encouragement they receive in their home.

Mrs. Pytel
K-8 Counselor